


The Revenge of the Book Characters

by sydnisan



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 12:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2025852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydnisan/pseuds/sydnisan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The book characters who have been screwed over in the show finally get their own back on the producers</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Revenge of the Book Characters

David Benioff sat down at the large table with a cup of George R R Martin’s tears, his friend D.B Weiss sitting across from him. He looked around contently at the room, which was plastered in Game of Thrones posters and naked pictures of Daenerys Targaryen.  
“So,” began David Benioff. “Which female cast member are we going to have naked in the next episode?”  
D.B. Weiss thought for a moment. “I have an excellent idea!” He leaned forward. “Now picture this: Petyr Baelish finally gets his reward for loving Catelyn and then projecting his obsession onto her underaged daughter. Let’s have him and Sansa fuck.”  
The other male nodded thoughtfully. “Excellent idea. But how will we plausibly get Sansa to have sex with Littlefinger?”  
D.B. Weiss shrugged. “Oh we’ll just have Petyr force himself on her and then act like it never happened. You know, the usual.”  
The two simultaneously erupted into evil laughter. Their happiness was destined not to last, however, because suddenly the door burst open. Unannounced, every character that D&D had screwed over poured into the room, led by Arianne Martell and Lady Stoneheart, and seized the two men.  
Paying no attention to the futile protests, the characters led them to a location that was so secret, it had been seen less than male nudity on the show. Arianne shoved the two into the room and whispered, “Valar morghulis,” before shutting the door. Like the fans of the books, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss had now lost all hope.  
The room itself was decorated with pictures of unfamiliar people. In the centre was a portrait of a man with blue hair and a three-pronged beard. D&D wondered who it was.  
“What’s this?” The sound of a male voice caused the two to turn around. They realised that they were not alone. Out of the shadows stepped three familiar faces. Before them stood Ramsay Bolton, Gregor Clegane, and Joffrey Baratheon.  
“Oh fuck…” David Benioff muttered, shortly before Gregor grabbed him and began to pummel his face.  
Ramsay followed, pulling D.B Weiss into a corner of the room and tying him to a cross. “Let’s play a game!” he proposed with a grin. “If you can guess all the ways in which you fucked up, you win.”  
Of course, Joffrey felt left out, having nobody to hurt, so he dramatically dropped to the floor and began to throw a tantrum. He threw his crown across the room and shouted, “I’M THE KING! I SHOULD GET TO INFLICT PAIN TOO!”  
Gregor Clegane took a quick break from beating up David Benioff to crush Joffrey’s skull before returning to the task at hand.  
“Go on then, guess!” Ramsay said, knife in hand.  
“Was I too discreet about Loras’ sexuality?” The only response he received was a strip of skin being peeled from his arm. “I gave Gendry too much screen time in season 4? What about Balon Greyjoy, did I give him too much screentime?”  
Despite being severely injured, David Benioff tried to help his partner. “Try guessing if we were too accurate to the books?”  
D.B Weiss knew that David had finally guessed where they had gone wrong. With confidence, he said to Ramsay, “We were too faithful to the books.”  
And with that, David Benioff’s eyes were crushed at the exact moment that Ramsay set his dogs on D.B Weiss.  
THE END


End file.
